UPGRADE OR DOWNGRADE?

The past 5 years of my life have been really intense. 7 apartments, 16 flatmates, living in 5 foreign countries, learning 4 new foreign languages, a graduation, an internship, different jobs, tons of people, a lot of friends, a lot of emotions, a lot of experience – some good, some bad, but definitely a lot. I feel as if I’ve really build myself up as a person in the past 5 extremely fast pace years of my life. Not completely of course, obviously we build ourselves up throughout life. But still, I’ve learned a bunch of new things, met a bunch of new people and have gone through a bunch of new stuff. And to be completely blunt, more often than not I’m quite proud of that.

However, the life circumstances that I’m currently in somehow seem to disagree with my pride. And I cannot help but wonder if this big upgrade of mine has upgraded or downgraded me in society? It’s been exactly 2 years since I’ve graduated. Since that I did an internship and had tons of freelance jobs, but somehow a stable income seems to be completely out of my reach. Somehow the things that most people find quite normal – a steady job or an apartment seem as mission impossible to me.

How could it be that all that experience in terms of job hunting seems to be more of an obstacle than an advantage? How could it be that having an international Masters degree in most places is more of an obstacle than an advantage? I still don’t quite get it, but it seems so – because not all institutions and countries recognize a foreign diploma. How could it be that living, studying and working abroad is more of an obstacle than an advantage? I still don’t quite get it, but it seems so – because in some very weird way a lot of people don’t see you as flexible and versatile, but unreliable and unstable. How could it be that having different work experience and knowing different things is more of an obstacle than an advantage? I still don’t quite get it, but it seems so – because apparently it means you lack focus. Which leads to the conclusion that being interested in more things and wanting to learn each day is way worse than sticking with just one, don’t you think?

With age, experience and knowledge there’s also a downgrade in one’s social life. Now I don’t want to socialize with absolutely everybody. I don’t want to talk about the things I’m not interested in. I don’t want to waste my time on things I find meaningless. I don’t want to loose time on forced interactions. I don’t want to date widely inappropriate people. I don’t want to go out on a Saturday night just for the sake of going out. I don’t want to be at certain places just for the sake of being there. It seems to be way harder to find people that I’d like to spend time with. It seems to be way harder to find a connection with people. It even seems to be way harder to fall in love. And as we get older it only gets harder.

Is it possible that the smarter we get, the more we know and the more experience we have – the harder it is to find jobs, friends, significant others?? Is it possible that the better we feel about ourselves – the worst society feels about us?? Is it possible that a personal upgrade is a social downgrade? They don’t say “blessed the stupid” for no reason, or at least so I’ve started to notice.

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